128.93 Miles and bumming

i have run almost 130 miles this month and i feel like a slacker. i don't feel hopeful about the marathon and i'm generally bumming about running. irrational i know. this is an odd place for me because generally i am very accepting of my short comings. anyway it was good to get out there and run today and i have to stop thinking when i run and just do it. also i am taking the boston qualifier goal off the table. it doesn't seem feasible and i think it would be terrible to run a marathon and feel badly about the outcome. determination comes when things are difficult and less fun. keep on truckin.

heading inside

i don't have a run for this entry not yet anyway. this will probably end up as part of something tomorrow. i will not be running with the team but will do a six in the early morning on my own. i need the time alone to get back to basics and remember why i push and why i do this crazy sport. it's because it's all about me. selfish i know but it's needed. i just wish it made me a better human being not just more fit.

burn out

today i feel burned out. i ran with mia for three miles at a 9.24 pace. running with her makes every run harder more like work. i will probably cringe when i re read this in a month or so. i think that i am just in a rut with the run. this too shall pass. tomorrow is 8 with the cross country team. i hope i don't wimp out and do just 6.

freezing frozen cold

today kathryn and i ran an impromptu 6 miles. do i have to add how cold it was i didn't know we had wind chill in florida. it got really bad after the run it was impossible to warm up. i finally jumped into a hot hot burning shower to shake the chill. i have been thinking about the training and coming to that place where you realize its a real commitment. when i saw the 18 for this week it makes me wish i had run more on sunday. i have to just buckle up i'm in for a wild ride. i have been taking mia out for some small runs and it will help me continue to work harder and include her. i am no longer doing the speed drills with cross country team because of the cold and scheduling. if i decided to do some i'll use my treadmill.

hot and sweaty

today was just hard. i took mia to starkey for 3 or 4. i ended up with 3. its is much hotter when running then when thinking about running. my time wasn't bad 27.38 while pushing my bundle of love but i was feeling it. i recently checked out the mileage from jenny and i am drenched in anxiety. i will take it one mile and one step at a time. it is a must if i am serious about the possibility of a boston qualification. that and something about being lukewarm and the marathon vomiting me up. ok ok not funny but you know me i can't leave any biblical teaching out. its a moral imperative.

and then it was ten

it was mutually decided that running in dark isolated areas: not a great idea. it is always important to listen to that feeling you get that tells you 'this is not smart'. kathryn and i did that today and God only knows what tragedy we unwittingly avoided. we also mutually decided that 15 was too much and ten miles was more suited to our schedules. the only negative i felt great not tired when i got in the car. i also will note that you would not have found me unlocking the car to run some more. homeward bound.

faith, strollers and fertilizer

serveral ideas occured to me today. i have become a mile junkie and on a more serious note how some may find my blog preachy. to be perfectly honest, others relationhip with God, is none of my business. that being said, my journey is, and in the same way so is my expression of it. if my view brings individuals closer to truth, wonderful! if not it's not it wasn't intention from the start. I do feel responsible not to hide my lamp under the table. nothing has improved the quality of my life more then God. my only real agenda is self expression.

moving on... running and perhaps sports in general help to create and foster the very skills that enable us to be successful in other areas of our life. it is also my belief that success in any arena without faith and Christian guiding prinicples may not be totally fruitless in the flesh but such skill would not translate into other areas of life like family and personal fulfillment. success in any arena should be tempered by a worldview whose guiding principle includes a loving God.

lastly if you're still reading... i took mia out for her first jog in her ironman stroller. aside from a few adjustments to the stroller and learning to run without the use of my arms, it seems to be a great addition to my training and day with her.

remember that failure is the fertilizer for future success. humility, not humiliation, is one key to success. i'm just saying.

anticipatory anxiety

nothing can screw up a perfectly good run then worrying about the next run. it seems so obvious but try as a i might and bam i'm thinking contemplating and sometimes dreading. sometimes i am concerned a good running experience won't translate to the next. obsurd. granted. i am running progressively better and i am learning more and more what works and what doesn't. i don't want running to dominate but facilitate my life. i'm just saying.

99.7%

99.7 that's the amount of effort i was told to run my last 100. who came up with that number? encumbered with stats can be a downer. every run becomes about speed and performance rather then remaining in the moment of activity and enjoying it for its very nature. running is a holy experience as we run upright with the dignity bestowed to each of us. but i digress... i am at a point where i don't want to worry how i compare to other people. i want to run and enjoy it and trainer should make that experience better. i just want to continue on the path and i maintain the path by using it.

why run

today's run was uneventful. what is noteworthy was the conversation post run. Kathryn and i had a great conversation about the merits of running and the dynamics of friendship. that is far more important the my spilts or the weather (both of which were fine). the merit of running goes beyond vanity or even the buzz. it gives direction and a path to practice good biblical virtues and codes of conduct. it is a reinforcing measure that enables me to stay on the good course to practice patience and obedience and endurance and determination and ....

surrendering to the technology

it is a bit frustrating that my first entry would have to be on learning that i can't really control the gadgets. it seemed as if everyone one's stuff was working half way. i admire people who just run and don't worry. they train like i train, harder even, but they are not all hung up on time or exact anything. of course i don't mistaken that for anything less competative or challenging then constantly looking at the numbers. numbers seem to be the distraction lately. i am grateful to the crew of women who have welcomed me into their ranks thanks so much. maybe that's the best part of running, friends and the run; not all the stats. i'm just saying.