freelancing it

today like many other runs i had to fit my running into the obligations and responsibilities of my blessed life. so today during stavros' flute lesson i ran on the school grounds. i'm not exactly sure how far i went because i was actually planning on using the track but there was a middle school track meet (of course). running around the campus was nice actually i wasn't really familiar with the layout. then later on...after leaving the kids at karate i took the baby for the new extended home loop. there was no watch and no garmin. it is also interesting to run twice in a day the strain on the body is different. its like being already warmed up and already pooped out. it almost simulates a long run but you skip the middle miles and jump from the beginning three to the last three. it was nice to feel recuperated from the half marathon on sat. speaking of the half marathon on sat. in retrospect i definitely get that i was not prepared for the run. my mileage had gone way down (83.something for march) I was especially not ready for the heat (80 something and full sun). so of course now i train in the heat. Saturday is the irongirl 10k. i generally don't like shorter races i prefer going long but it is a spectacular course over the clearwater bridge to the beach and back. the gulf air is mystifying. i hope actually go and run. lastly, i would like to comment about bloggin itself. it is somewhat more complex then may be appreciated initially; in that it is a record of thoughts, beliefs and accomplishments and that makes it personal but it is such a public forum writing candidly while being mindful of the unknown audience is a tightrope walk. i'm just saying. not that anyone reads this blog.

Half Marathon second in my age group

well this race was difficult. i felt unprepared and as if i couldn't get the rhythm of the race. like the marathon i was concerned that i had gone out too fast. looking at the stats it might be true. the only good news is that is was difficult for everyone. the techno girls were all out in their bright colors ready to smash PR's but the heat took us all. as i was racing i had to bansih thoughts of hating racing and disliking running immensely. the interesting part is that the garmin has the total distance as 13.22 so who knows i either ran the course to the outside which i never do or they miscalculated. anyway i am interested to see if the official time is under two hours. it was great to get second place in my age division. being slightly competative i was a bit perturbed that i didn't place first. Kathryn and Jenny both placed second in their age groups too. It was great to see Cherise and Carin again. based on my lap breakdown you can see that the heat was my undoing. 1) 8:36 2) 8:56 3) 8:49 4) 8:54 5) 8:55 6) 8:43 7) 8:40 8) 9:18 9) 9:23 10) 9:45 11) 9:45 12) 9:21 13) 9:17 and change 1:52.

Next week is the irongirl 10k at clearwater beach. maybe theophani and i will run together or at least start together. to0 bad my family wasn't there again. they would have enjoyed the pancakes and the festivities. difficult runs help me to get through difficult times. not everything can be controlled. one day its heat the other cold. i did have unusual cramping min my abs which felt like a baseball. that was a first. nothing quite like searing pain. oh and did mention they ran out of water??? it's all good i got to see some people i knew and finished ahead of many of them. also it benefited Alzheimer's so that is good to. i got a finisher photo hopefully i'll have it soon.

half marathon TOMORROW

that's right just found out about the half and now i'm signed up and ready to go. it is hosted at starkey where a lot of my running is done anyway. so i hope to see the girls out there its been since the marathon that i have be able to run with them. pray for me it night get interesting. we will see just how much training is training and how much is recreational.

a sunny six (.11) at starkey

today i decided to head out early with mia for our run. i decided on starkey instead of the causeway because i thought the breeze might make pushing the stroller a drag. well this was a difficult six. the ave min per mile pace was 9.16 which is totally fine when i have to push the stroller but the heat made the run difficult. i thought it was going to be a test of patience putting in the time but i was hot and i was tired. i stopped three times for a water break and to cool mia off just in case. the heat made it hard to appreciate the wonderful weather. today was one of those runs when i wonder why am i doing this. it got me thinking about a sabbatical from the whole rat race. but then i know how much better my life is with running and how all the stuff i've been talking about is really true. don't get me wrong my life is full enough without running but it has given me a special perspective on me time, on being a participant and not on going through life as a spectator. if makes life even more exciting and the lessons more easily understood. so i soldier on.

verspers, runs and prayers

another great run with mia. we stayed close to home for a quick four before vespers. our deacon is getting ordained tomorrow. Axios! Worthy! tomorrow he will find that although all men are unsuited for the daunting task of "priest" the Holy Spirit comes upon him and compensates for man's weaknesses. wherever he lacks the Spirit supplies. It's beautiful really, the Holy Spirit provides for us in all the ways and places we are lacking. but i digress...The run was cool and easy. the ipod earphones were messed up and the static became a persistent annoyance. I am glad that i have been able to fit in my runs. they are helping me maintain my fitness for longer runs and the more serious training before me. they are more not to lose fitness then to develop more at this time but it is all part and parcel of staying healthy and not stressing the body for extended periods of time and not inviting boardem or dread about a run. I am so grateful that i finally learned the prayer of st Ephrem. It had been such a mental block for so long and today it was mystical to be able the recite prayerfully.

taking it easy and spending time with the girls

today's run was especially nice. it was the first run in a long time that theophani ran with me. she wanted to get her run in today because track was cancelled due to rain. we did an easy 3.5 because the weather was touch and go. although perfect for running: cool and shady was also looking a lot like a down pour. we stayed close to home especially because we had mia with us. i'm glad theophani took it easy on her shin and i was glad to find that she ran quietly and was very focused. i have been giving some thought to the idea that skill is nothing that only will matters. that each of us can increase our talents by our will and not because of some superhuman engineering. we are not destined for great things not because we are given everything but we are destined for great things because we determine to give great effort. decided what needs to be done and get it done. don't limit success by setting secondary gains or hitch-hiking agendas. time trials, placements, heart rates and weight loss is a drain on the point. remove the excuses and just do it. day after day renew you commitment. then you will learn why 26.2 is the short run.

karate tournament and mia's first cows

theophani and stavro had karate tournaments today. theophani was a judge becuase she hurt her shins running track. she couldn't even make the meet which was also today. stavro got two bronze and one silver. he will hopefully train for the next tourney. he just signed up and went. very spur of the moment. i took mia and ran to the dojo. pretty cool don't you think? on the way i stopped in front of the super walmart and showed her the cows. that's right cows. speaking for the engine pushing that ride there was a strong breeze. it would have been fine if i were alone but running into the wind with a stroller is like running into a wind with a sail. About four and a half miles later and a stop at best buy. it was a good day.

another 3 miles complete with equine

black belt testing jan. 2005

yesterday's run with mia from the house included one pit bull puppy and one painted horse. the pace was about 9.15 ave. i have felt quite good about the recent runs. i have some dread before beginning because my training have eased but i have yet to be disappointed. i have learned that although my legs are no longer legs of steel; its the mind that is weakened most. "Skill is nothing will is everything" (Batman [returns?]). i've been noting how little i actually race. i know it is in part because i don't actually like racing i like training. that is valid but if racing makes me train more and smarted then why not race to train? i have to explore the real reason i don't race more. maybe its just so i don't take it too seriously and have my life lopsided with training. food for thought.

The Mother Church of Constantinople safeguards for the Orthodox Church in America

Holy Cross Seminary by the Very Reverend Archimandrite Dr. Elpidophoros (”Hope-bearer”) Lambriniadis, Chief Secretary of the Holy and Sacred Synod of the Patriarchate of Constantiople:
With regards to the United States, the submission to the First Throne of the Church, that is, to the Ecumenical Patriarchate is not only fitting with the American society and mentality but also it opens up the horizons of possibilities for this much-promising region, which is capable of becoming an example of Pan-Orthodox unity and witness.
The Mother Church of Constantinople safeguards for the Orthodox Church in America those provisions that are needed for further progress and maturity in Christ.

running and remembering our church in your prayers

i ran around 6.30 in the evening my favorite time to run during the spring months. and spring is right around the corner after all. my goal for this run was to take it easy and enjoy. just feel good and be patient. during an 'easy' run the ease of it can be distracting because it requires longer stretches of patience. after all the actual run will take longer. while tempo runs or more challenging runs are tests of determination and just hanging on during the training. running for several years now i have come to anticipate and recognize the different cycles to my training. watching and developing insight into other arenas of life is just another life lesson learned while running.

so here are the stats: 5.1 miles 45.35. 8.56 ave mile. I thought based on how i felt during the run that i was running 9.07-9.30. i hope the garmin is right!!

now that Lent is in full swing i am still trying to adjust to dietary changes and although i have not been perfect about excluding all meat and fish products from my diet i have removed most of it. the bloating is horrible from the subtle changes and i'm hoping it will go away. the kids have been doing great for their fast they do eat pizza twice a week but that is more a function of my lack of culinary skill.

soon our newly assigned parish priest will be with us. Our small parish is fighting for its survival after being ravaged (allegedly) by our former priest. if you would like to help keep our parish out of foreclosure please write me and i'll give you whatever information would help process your donation.

last mid-day run i think

today around 11.30 am i took Mia for a 5.29 mile run. Let me tell you that although she was sitting pretty in the shade enjoying the light breeze and wildlife; I was getting hot. When i left the house it was warm with a nice breeze and CLOUD COVER. not after the first .75 mile. It was sun sun sun. The very best about Florida can work against training. what a pity. i have been in a malaise with my training and i don't know why. it is never an extended period of time but my mileage is way down. :(

joypeacehope: Centrifugal Force - Godly Fact or Manly Fiction?

joypeacehope: Centrifugal Force - Godly Fact or Manly Fiction?

kids at karate/mommy doing miles

first, let me say if you missed yesterday's blog it's worth going back to read it. It's about running in a much larger context and more meaningful sense.

I brought Stavro and Theophani to their karate class and i took Euphemia out for a quick 6 miler from the dojo. It was really nice the sun was setting, the sidewalk was so smooth, and the old familiar route felt welcoming. I used to run consistently during their karate class (before the baby that is). It also was the first time in a very long time that i missed working out at the dojo (not enough to go back, not yet). Running during there class was convinient and made it very simple for me off knock out 4-6 miles and then head home with the kids. The kids enjoy knowing that i'm around working out too and that i'll be waiting and maybe even watching taking them do their class. Running never got in the way of the other things that have to be done during the day and it didn't take time away from the family. Since the baby of course this plan was not put into practice. but now that she's older and she comes for the run many times away I am considering seriously getting in at least one run this way a week. i bet in a week or two I'll have a sensei running too. after all they were my first running partners and taught me that its very doable. i have been having persistent diaphragm cramping both before during and after my runs. i am working on posture and relaxation to address it. anyway thanks for dropping by my blog and Godspeed.

the ancient rite of "the agonas" (games) and Christianity

Greeks understood thousands of years ago about the personal and social benefits of "the games" or agonas. The psychological and sociological wide reaching effects are still applicable to modern times. The solidarity amongst competitors, the basic respect, and the understanding how the greatness in others inspires and encourages greatness within ourselves is central to competition. Similarily the Holy People of God the Saints illicit the same response for the believers being the role models and coaches for the christian. the individual battles the inertia which can be like quick sand and sets sights on the goal of victory. Personal victory in a particular event or victory in Jesus. There is no secret formula for christian success just as there is no secret to winning an athletic event.
How does running really enrich your prayer life and make you a better follower of Christ? it trains the mind and teaches the will to focus on the task at hand. It demands dedication, commitment, stamina, consistency in a daily renewal and of course one's time. good runners are able to remain faithful and fully engaged at the task at hand. Christians likewise are taught to resist temptation to flee from it; to be delivered. Both running events and christian living does not seek a multitasker who fits running or religious life into what's left. It requires one who is completely present with the task at hand. An overall perspective on what's expected. It's why runners think about nutrition and their next training session the other 23 hours in a day. The commitment is complete and extends beyond the run. Additionally a dedicated christian is consumed with the details of christian living, fasting, love kindness and acts of charity beyond the confines of the Divine Liturgy.

This clarification puts into place the task at hand the work to be done the joy of the run itself. And in running the body comes under submission but also more loudly proclaiming its wonderful design. The repetitive nature of running is symbiotic with the repetitive nature of prayer. Breathing, the heart beating and repetitive nature of the cadence all can be said for continuous prayer.
Running puts the focus into my life like nothing else. it is a lightening rod against which and in I find my direction and read my compass. sometimes I consider the state of my life. and many more times then not, i am grateful and loving it. there are those times when I am less productive generally that I wonder what am I running for: what do I hope to accomplish and can my time be better spent? and no... my time spent in motion running can not be better spent it is good medicine. alone time, in the presence of my God, or at a minimum a time when i can't escape 'continuous me time'. Don't get me wrong the run is not all prayer and hymns. I would be hard pressed to get through a run without some Santana playing. Or me replaying a scenario in my 'thoughtful spot' to work through an issue or feeling.
Remaining on task is difficult even for most pleasantly rewarding task. Distraction is one of the greatest tools of the enemy. Do not take your eyes off the prize a crown of glory. like a cat on the hunt don't take your eyes off the mouse it requires concentration, patience, and more patience. The agility of the mind and body to move in an instant but only for the prize. to remain silent and for the mind to move slowly. Running reminds me of what I need to focus on. At times its speed and how much my lungs burn and at other times amazement that I push through barriers. Sometimes its time barriers and other times the barriers of temptation.
I have exceeded the expectations of my parents and i have proved my temperament useful. I have a place to maximize my bold character without having to temper it. While running determination not stubbornness is what harnesses the energy. then there are those runs to clear my thoughts and get some alone time with God and my running reminds me to get back on task to see everything as a path back to God; a way back. The tenacity to remain a faithful orthodox christian is the same which gets me off the couch to run. It curbs my religious pride and clarifies words like love, forgiveness, acceptance and justice. It takes to heart the higher Christian standard that we are called to. It is a consistent environment and setting in which i look inward to the Kingdom that is within.

As i put on my running gear or uniform it is a reminder of the spiritual armor which i am dressed in always. running gives me the mindset and determination to move through the difficult times and draw closer to God. The point of all this hard work and effort? Having a competent captain during the storm. I have relied several times on the lessons learned during the persistence of training, the hard runs and the good runs. I am better able to handle the difficulties that come. I have walked through process before and have come to anticipate the dynamic of growth. The difference between the wise and foolish virgins was preparation, activity; not just intent. they were all chaste but the work of the faithful is time with God in contemplation and devotion. It is not something that can be portioned off to someone else. It is the work done for oneself. We must learn to recognize the voice of our Lord . Learn to hear and listen. One is to perceive; the other is to obey.

Jesus prayed that His Apostles not be taken from this world but delivered from he evil one. As even in the Lord's Prayer he prayed and taught us to pray for deliverance. Yet, all but one of his Apostles were martyred. Yet, they were also completely delivered from the evil because they even unto death in the face of unspeakable things they did not fall or fail to complete the race. It is conditioning and practice of Biblical principles which are embodied in the ancient rites of the games which prepare for the sad and turbulent items in your life. It shapes celebrations so that they are not confused with an excuse for dereliction. it is a wonderment how God established this symbiotic relations between activities which engage the body which bring the mind into focus. The way to salvation is not denying the body which God formed but using it to set the stage for discipline and spiritual and physical health and communion. Then when all the work is done you can relax and trust your training your conditioning your preparation and time spent in attention to God. I haven't mastered as yet the skillful art of complete engagement in a task but is is a more natural inclination now. Give each task the full measure of my ability and dedication and the payoff will be there. Christian living is the map for this life and living it.

Lastly and on a slightly different point, we need to understand that we are already in eternity. it is not something that is triggered by death which would be contrary to eternity. we have an immortal soul through the gift of God in our creation and with that creation he gave us this body. At the commencement of our conception we have already begun our journey through immortality which too often we confuse the the afterlife. by pushing eternity into the future in another lifetime, we removed it from our self and our consciousness it is easy to lose perspective. the monks caution us to remember our death to embrace it to understand that what is done now even in our relative youth is vital. what kind of eternal life do you want because you are in it already living it creating it.

running for joy five miles of yes i can

well an easy run with xena at around 7pm. we took it slow and it took a little under 48 min. i just wanted to stay focused on not rushing or feeling rushed and just on enjoying. i took a different route and ended up by the kids old school (genesis). xena seems to slow at around 4-5 miles which is why i didn't try six. tomorrow there will be more written on the merits of running but for tonight i simply wanted to check back in with my public. lol.

weedwacker, leaf blowers and hoses oh my

today's cross training included and was limited to you got it: yard work. I cleaned up the patio which is substantially larger then most people's yards. so with all blessings comes responsibilities. It looks wonderful and the only down side is the pool is too cold to go in and i don't think i'll be able to get a run in today. i would run from church part of the way home but that would be too much of a hassle for Elias. i could get to church early and go for a run but that would be considered rude i suppose. I would run to church tomorrow but that wouldn't be fair to the congregation. so that leaves running home after church but again i don't think that a welcome idea. maybe when euphemia wakes form her nap i can take her for a quick loop. theophani had her first track meet today she ran the mile instead of the 800. practice makes perfect.

ok now here's the good news i was able to catch a quick home loop run with euphemia and stavro. i'm glad i saw to fit the run in.

moderate weather moderate run

this run was uneventful. I took mia (stroller) and stavro (bike) for my lap to the studio. What i did notice was how my legs of steel felt heavy. i can only relate this to my twofer yesterday. still i'm glad i ran but i don't like those runs when all i want is to enjoy it and it's not enjoyable. it's not as bad as i was feeling in the photo actually that was horrible but wonderful as it demonstrated my determination, my strength, my fortitude and stamina to put up with the unpleasantries.

yesterday's twofer

I decided to just get out and run. the weather which was pretty cold in the morning warmed up nicely by 1pm. so while the baby napped, into the ironman she went and i ran to the studio. chatted with elias and back to the house. i spent five miles (5.33 so) clearing my head of all the stuff that gets accumulated there: big ideas, nagging neurosis, thoughts and feelings. running is wonderfully cathartic and i think non runners miss out on that. when they try and start a running routine they never get to that point because they run out too hard in the beginning of their venture. they attacth all these other agends like losing weight to their cause. but for those of us who have been running for a while know how it puts us on a track, in a mindset, which narrows our thinking while keeping the body busy. anyway later around 5.30pm as the weather cooled even more i went back out for my home loop a speedy 2.77. my only complaint is that i felt a little rushed because i met some resistance at home to going back out to run. but i didn't have to push anybody, no stroller, no one on a bike to worry about, no dog, i could just move. i'm glad i ran again afterall people don't watch television just once during the day or take time to read just once so why not take time to run?

on an another note:
“When you fast…” (MT 6:16)
A Reflection before Great Lent George Parsenios, PhD
What appears to happen in the Passion of Christ and what actually happens are not at all the same. What appears to happen is not that extraordinary. The Romans crucified a Jewish man in order to keep public order. During their long rule over Judea, the Romans had killed many Jews, making the death of Jesus one among these many. But, only in appearance. The reality was very different. The Paschal homily attributed to St. John Chrysostom emphasizes this difference between appearance and reality. Chrysostom describes Christ's encounter with Hades as follows:

Hades…was embittered when it encountered thee in the lower regions…
It took a body, and met God face to face.It took earth, and encountered Heaven.It took that which was seen, and fell upon the unseen.

Fooled by what appeared to be just another corpse, Hades was overthrown by an encounter with the Almighty God, as the Passion and Resurrection of Christ shook the foundations of the universe in the final acts of a cosmic drama.

As we enter the Lenten season, we are reminded that we have a role in this universal, cosmic drama. Let’s reflect on the proper nature of our role by using the language of appearance and reality. For, it is easy to confuse our role, or to play the wrong role by focusing on our appearance rather than our reality. When Jesus chastises his opponents, he often calls them hypocrites for practicing their piety in public, and for drawing attention to themselves as they pray. The word hypocrite, of course, is the Greek word for "actor." They are trying to "act" pious and "act" charitable. Their focus is on their appearance in public. Jesus urges them instead "to go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you" (Matt 6:6). Now, these things are not included in the Gospels so that we can ridicule the Pharisees whom Jesus criticizes. Indeed, they are written, not because we are unlike the Pharisees, but because we have the unfortunate potential to be just like them. The very things that are designed to make us more humble, the very acts of repentance and self-denial that are supposed to make us more open to God and more loving to one another can be used to make us more self-satisfied and more self-centered. But this is to focus on the appearance of holiness, and not its reality.

A wonderful little book called the Way of the Ascetics provides an important image for reflecting on real holiness. For, we may be inclined to think that, if we want to be humble, we must try to appear humble. We might, for instance, wear especially humble clothes or constantly adopt humble postures. But, this, too, can be a way of drawing attention to ourselves. The Way of the Ascetics has a lovely passage about real humility, however, emphasizing that the truly humble person doesn't stand out as being more humble than others, and, indeed, doesn't stand out at all. You may not even notice him because the goal of humility is precisely not to stand out. Real holiness has a way of making a person appear relatively normal, just like everyone else. As with the Passion of Christ, of course, this appearance of being usual and everyday is only on the surface.

A very helpful step in focusing on the inner drama of holiness is to avoid comparing ourselves with others, and the Church reminds us of this fact in various ways. On the 5th Sunday of Lent, for instance, we commemorate St. Mary of Egypt. She lived alone in the desert until she met St. Zosimas, who tells her story. We wouldn't know anything about St. Mary, however, if St. Zosimas had not encountered her in the desert. And St. Zosimas would not have been in the desert if his monastery had not observed the Lenten fast in a particular way. To keep the monks of his monastery from competing with one another, the monks retreated individually into the desert, in order to observe the fast separately. Their drama was internal and their only audience was God. This is a helpful model to imitate. A certain silence should accompany our fasting. While it will be helpful to encourage one another and support one another over the next forty days, it is also easy for this need for support to become something else. It's easy to find ways to drop hints of our fasting regimen into casual conversations. We might even rationalize a good reason for doing so. But this is to risk making the fast into one more opportunity to put ourselves in the limelight and at center stage, and to undermine the real work of fasting, prayer and repentance that lie within the inner heart of Lent.

The great ascetics of the early Church always navigated between the appearance and the reality of holiness. We are regularly told in the stories of the Desert Fathers that the monks of the Egyptian desert would hide their ascetical practices from visitors. They don't make their guests fast with them, but prefer to show hospitality to whomever comes to see them. They feed them well and make them comfortable. The visitors, of course, are always surprised and suppose that these renowned monks are not really all that strenuous in their spiritual exercises. We are always told in the stories, however, what really happens, and how the ascetic only allows himself to appear unimpressive, because his greater concern is the care and comfort of his guests. Here we see the opposite of the hypocrites whom Christ admonishes. The appearance is allowed to be unspectacular, while the reality of generosity and holiness is profound.

Let us, then, observe the fast in reality and not only in appearance, following these models of piety and especially the model of our Lord, whose strength was shown in weakness and whose apparent defeat in death led in reality to the victory of the Resurrection. "For, if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his" (Rom 6:5).

George L. Parsenios is Assistant Professor of New Testament
at Princeton Theological Seminary

41 years old and i haven't run yet

first i would like to say how truly happy i am that sophia has started running. I can't wait to do the disney half marathon with you. Glad to see the tech girls are still running and congrats on all your finishing times. my church is going through turbulent times which takes so much time. i have been so busy that running has been on the back burner which is not good because i enjoy running so much. anyway i need to get myself running.

my last run as a forty year old

This icon almost 30 feet in diameter and adorned the dome of St. Demetrios in Concord, CA. Rendered by Master Iconographer Elias Damianakis (my spouse). As you can tell not all the gold 22kt leaf was buffed. The Hallo palladium.

Although i never made it to gasperilla i had a great run today after church. it was cool and windy perfect running weather. the only bad thing about a run like this regretting not getting out there. just enough to warm up but not to sweat (too much). I took xena with me she started to slow down around mile four which was bad because we are doing a little over six. running with my dog is a spiritual experience. it is mystical to reflect on the relationship. It is especially wonderful when we run the trails and she can be off leash to watch how she relies on my instinctively how i am hers and she is mine. I am reminded of our Redeemer's words my sheep know me and i them. i serve as her sheppard as she looks to be for direction and speed and safety from traffic. I love that she knows me and follows me her interest is in me and my path. When i find myself with an opportunity to minister and tell people about the Good News i am freed to know that just as seeking God is a gift so i finding the Orthodox Faith another. It is not me gift to give only to show and gesture the way. It is Christ that calls His to Himself. today is Sunday of forgiveness and we had forgiveness vespers right after church. Here is the prayer of Saint Ephraim. IF you pray this in the morning and then in the evening for the first week of Lent you will see others and yourself in a different condition.

“O Lord and Master of my life, take from me the spirit of sloth, despair, lust of power, and idle talk. But give me, your servant, the spirit of chastity, humility, patience, and love. O Lord and King, grant to me to see my own faults and not to condemn my brother or sister. For you are blessed unto the ages of ages. Amen.”(St. Ephrem the Syrian, 4th Century AD) http://onelifeministries.org/PathOfSpirit/051605_PrayerConfessionForgiveness.asp