check, double check and re-check

the holidays sent me into a time warp. until yesterday i wasn't sure of the day. good thing i don't drink. after spending the weekend at Disney with the family i am making the final plans for race day in my head. i have several new purchases which all have been run-tested. depending on the whether it will determine my color scheme. i would like to pick up a new pair of sneakers but that will be determined by time and then a chance to break them in. the last week and a half or so has been spent on mental preparation and making a full recovery. i have been diligently reviewing the biblical principles of fortitude, stamina, endurance, commitment and focus to get over the proverbial finish line. each day i deliberate and debate how hard i want to work during this run. is time a real issue for me or is the pleasantry of it more. i will work hard for sure but how hard do i have the courage to work. how much discomfort and uncertainty about my prospects of a certain time am i willing to contend with and push through. if i run the marathon at a conversational pace then i will shave over 15 min off my last one of 4.32. if i push after a warm up i can break four hours. will that be enough or will i finish feeling like i should have tried for the gold--Boston. i won't really know until I'm out there. am i willing to work hard and risk 'failure' and by failure i mean making concessions and compromises during the event or will i just run my ass off. it may be an awakening of where i am now and what i have yet to learn and to do to achieve greater things. maybe it all comes down to drive and being driven to test and push harder then before. i am looking ahead at the iron horse and running the marathon at gasparilla. one thing i do know for sure i have really enjoyed the training for this race. i have had the company of good women each with their own strengths and set of skills i have learned from each of them and i hope that we continue to support one another in future racing goals. Sunday morning runs really set the week for me they keep my mileage manageable and keep me connected. running is a solitary sport i realize and i enjoy that piece but having the camaraderie of fellow competitors certainly fills the gaps of isolation that sometimes creeps in. p.s. i know where all the question marks and proper punctuation and capitalization are but this is not a writing expo so i have put my red pencil to the side to allow for a more free expression. besides all my questions are really statements rhetorical is you will.