walking the walk

first i'd like to thank jenny and mark for their good thoughts and encouragement. now this entry might get a little preachy so be prepared. if character is determined and shaped by behavior or actions. actions are the result of choices and decisions. it's imperative to review the type of choices we make. choices reflect value systems and world views. 'faith without works is dead'. my volition should be to take up the cross deciding who my master is. a slave to sin and slothfulness or a slave to the cross. once decided the course is laid before us 'thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path' i am compelled to follow it. in effect there is a mandate established because as no man can serve two masters. additionally not making a true commitment leaves only luke warm vomit. running has taught me in very practical terms many of these concepts and reinforced the traits required to 'run the good race and strive for the crown of glory'. it is when i recreate the flow that transcendental place in the rest of my life that running has taught me something. the lessons are reinforced and built upon every time i lace up. they continue on the mornings when church seems too far away and yet we are all packed into the car to go. it is with during the emotional marathons that life throw my way. running was there helping me during some of the greatest trials in my life having taught me the ideals and tools necessary to get through. during my youth during the tribulations of childhood and adolescence i had faith undeniable faith but no road map no practical measurable identifiable way to manage my life. i read biblical principles and church traditions but couldn't translate it to my everyday living. there was a split between my lessons and my living. it was kind of akin to reading about buoyancy and actually knowing how to relax and float. my runs have put a strict prayer rule into my life and even though there are times when i just wonder away there are many more times even during those same runs that i look deep inside deeper to where my creator my God and and Savior commune with me. the rhythmic breathing and beating of my heart during a run may be humbly compared with that of someone who practices the Jesus prayer consistently. there is no magic to a religious spiritual life only sweat equity. when it comes to running on the road or on the path to salvation the buck stops with me. it is about my effort, my choice, my ability. i enjoy running in a pack and being part of the church but in the end running is an individual sport and we all come to the chalice as an individual. sometimes i'm feeling existential in a Kierkegaard sort of way obsessed with what it concretely means to be a christen and leave the theoretical theology to the theologians reminded of my own intellectual limitations. sometimes it gets lonely because the journey in life is a solitary one. running reminds me of this reality keeping me from becoming lost in the distraction of this life. i have a choice feel isolated, distracted or i can engage the process running is how i manage it. pushing the envelope in distance is my way of staying on top of it. speed is less so. speed running engages me so much in the determination of the run and self doubt that it seems to defeat my purpose for the run to begin with.