today
i spent considerable time in a panic unable to find my time-chip. i frantically cleaned out my closet, the karate room and my dresser drawer. i kept saying like pooh bear 'think think' where could i have put it. i would not leave it just laying around i'm sure i put it somewhere for safe keeping. later what seemed like much later, when my husband came home he asked a few well directed questions (which at the time seemed patronizing) and he quickly found the chip. Got to love him. this was the final run before event day. i ran the home loop alone. i gave new sneakers a test run but will stay with my ghost model. there was a cool breeze as the sun began to set. it was a difficult run an 8.07 pace for just under three. i knew i was moving and i knew my lungs were busting. i almost started bargaining a reduced pace for the marathon. obviously i'm not running the 8.07 more like 9.00 race day but i was already conceding that i didn't want to suffer through the run. it will all come down to how i feel Sunday. i don't want to suffer through it that has become clear. i'm not in this to place or for a medal. i do it because i have all these private causes that i run for. mostly i run just for the enjoyment and the secondary gains from doing so. my passion for running is the fun of it and the sense of accomplishment i derive from it. it's about clarifying my goals and gains. i don't just want bragging rights; i run for those who can't and mostly for my soul. it's my time of reflection of personal assessment; of connection with causes i find dear to me and my church. some people run in memory of others i run for God, for the church, it's my offering. it's not really about the stopwatch or the time. rationalizing perhaps i don't know yet... well see. this was not the blog i thought i would be sharing but it must be close to the inner truth because i don't feel like blogging again. even though i am the only follower of this blasted forum it is undeniably making me feel somewhat exposed. showing my fluffy underbelly not exactly my strong suite.
i spent considerable time in a panic unable to find my time-chip. i frantically cleaned out my closet, the karate room and my dresser drawer. i kept saying like pooh bear 'think think' where could i have put it. i would not leave it just laying around i'm sure i put it somewhere for safe keeping. later what seemed like much later, when my husband came home he asked a few well directed questions (which at the time seemed patronizing) and he quickly found the chip. Got to love him. this was the final run before event day. i ran the home loop alone. i gave new sneakers a test run but will stay with my ghost model. there was a cool breeze as the sun began to set. it was a difficult run an 8.07 pace for just under three. i knew i was moving and i knew my lungs were busting. i almost started bargaining a reduced pace for the marathon. obviously i'm not running the 8.07 more like 9.00 race day but i was already conceding that i didn't want to suffer through the run. it will all come down to how i feel Sunday. i don't want to suffer through it that has become clear. i'm not in this to place or for a medal. i do it because i have all these private causes that i run for. mostly i run just for the enjoyment and the secondary gains from doing so. my passion for running is the fun of it and the sense of accomplishment i derive from it. it's about clarifying my goals and gains. i don't just want bragging rights; i run for those who can't and mostly for my soul. it's my time of reflection of personal assessment; of connection with causes i find dear to me and my church. some people run in memory of others i run for God, for the church, it's my offering. it's not really about the stopwatch or the time. rationalizing perhaps i don't know yet... well see. this was not the blog i thought i would be sharing but it must be close to the inner truth because i don't feel like blogging again. even though i am the only follower of this blasted forum it is undeniably making me feel somewhat exposed. showing my fluffy underbelly not exactly my strong suite.
2 comments:
You've worked so hard in your training, you should honor that by also working hard in the race. I know you will do great, you are a strong runner!
See you Sunday!
Hi Angela, there are probably more people reading your blog than you think. Anyway, I thought you had a great idea yesterday. Also, here is a quote that sometimes makes me think:
"To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the Gift."
Good luck at the race and have fun!
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