what is failure after all? not taking chances

i was reviewing some of my posts. yes i do that from time to time (after all someone has to read them). i had a breakthrough. i have been overly concerned with failing and feelings of failure. my fear lead to rationalizations about not undercutting the effort by setting time related goals: 3.50 (for boston) or under four hours to feel accomplished or successful. i kept repeating during the training runs and on the blog this cautionary note about running all that way and feeling badly. it was this mantra this limitation set on my ability because i didn't want to fail. so my thought was not to worry about time and enjoy the run. but where is the challenge in this kind of thinking. barring a major catastrophe i know i can finish the run i know i can complete it in under 4.15 without too much strain so what is all the hoopla about? BAM i realized that by not giving 100% not really putting myself out there, that i conceded the race already. there will be discomfort and even pain but if i go all in and really work and really try then i can't lose because in the end i will know i ran my best race for that day. how horrible would it be to know that i missed breaking the four hour mark by a minute or two because i was too conservative a euphemism for fearful or anxious. i have been bidding bargaining against myself. there is no failure in trying only in failing to try. so for today for right now i say bring it on!!! i have to have the mental fortitude the toughness to deal with the difficulty the challenges and move ahead more quickly then will be comfortable to find the courage to see what i have what i can take. my only strength as a runner is that i am too dense to accept that i am slow and awkward and an unlikely success. i run despite the fact that i am somewhat under-trained, undisciplined and lack the genetic code for efficiency. i have always made a huge difference by not giving up by my tenacity and determination to prove that it can be done. so my goal to do it to breakthrough the psychological barriers that i set for myself. the clock will be one indication of how well i did objectively but what matters is knowing that i came to beat the odds the very ones i placed against myself. i challenge everyone to do the same. hard work beats talent when talent quits working hard.