Sunday, December 13, 2009
Hopewell Junction and Attiki and the Commute to Church
Yesterday was a bit warmer then I would prefer but the blanketed sky provided the perfect umbrella. Initially I ran with a sleeveless shirt on top of my sports bra not because of a modest ideal but because of vanity. I was embarrassed with the image I had of myself swooshing and moving to and fro. Years ago when I started my training I didn't have those self conscious thoughts as I demonstrating a willingness to look stupid and to cast self consciousness aside to learn. Last evening however my tummy blubber was indicative of a basic neglect of myself and that was too much exposure. After two miles I dispense with the shirt and ran with it to my side. I decided to set aside any embarrassment by openly declaring that I had backslid regressed and was making this confession openly. I realised how much of my runs may have been about outsiders and not about me.
Anyway during my 13.4 mile trek to church many things became apparent. First it is a long, long way. When I would run in the park out and back I never had that sense of how far the distance was, how much time it was taking, as I ran into the sun rise not the sun set. This destination running is different somehow. I am always worrying about the time it will take. It is like I am in the rat race with all commuters racing about to get to somewhere else. In the park it is the path not the destination not the getting finished which is the task. It is understood it will finish soon enough.The distance on-the road to someplace presents itself in a very different way with the expectation of performance. I have been a loner in my runs I don't mind the isolation but I wish I has a comrade.
It is amazing how the same person, can experience the same distance, with very difference points of reference. I know I will run to church again but I totallyget that it is far. Most people who know me are totally unimpressed, taking it for granted as it is just a thing they have some to expect and see me doing. But I wouldn't want those close to me to think that thirteen miles are easy; they are not, even when they feel great and are enjoyed.They are two hours of time to fill with thoughts, prayers, music, and inner conversation. It is about time management. A time for reflection thesis/anti-thesis/synthesis. It is as much about running to and from something as itis about trying tostay present. It is erroding to realize how my running has been taken for granted by those close to me as if it was like a walk by the sea. It requires quite a bit of reslove and determination to commence and complete this task repeatedly. I could easily become overwhelmed and procrastinate and talk myself right out of the challenge. I could blow it off and begin to recreate my persona but is essential to recreating myself. It is necessary though it is not an easy task it has many challenges physical, mental and spiritual. It is my road to Damascus and my time in the desert. Running is just the activity which maintains the order of things. And yes many times it is joyful that would be grace.