Sunday, December 6, 2009
lucid unfettered thinking
While running many thoughts move through my brain probably what most would consider free associating. Interesting I usually talk quickly because I have these flight of ideas which creates a kind of pressured speech. It comes from not feeling heard and from wanting to be. Running creates a lucid unfettered thinking and no audience save God and me, myself and I. My ability to go to that place or space I think is why runners high or the flow is a state I find often even during shorter less taxing runs. Not to dismiss prayer or the contect of such thoughts.
During the run I wanted to walk several times and thought how I snuff out the joy every time. I stopped anyway took two-three steps and then was off again. I got over my sense of failure and self consciousness and kept moving. My toes got numb from wearing old sneakers which I tied too tightly. My hip behaved. I don't mind pain or discomfort but I don't want injury. As runners we push through the laziness, the boredom with our only guest ourself and learn to endure or tolerate discomfort. With this kind of suck it up attitude we also wrongfully try to push through an injury.
I have been at that 10-12 week training bust where skeletal-muscular systems are breaking down. A taper now is emotionally and mentally challenging but the body can heal and will then get stronger markedly so. Anyway...I remember to enjoy the time running when I could and how long I had asked for just his kind of weather. Watch what you ask for because when you get it you are out of excuses.
Lastly, i did think often enough about people in my personal life who opt out of sanity, or what is reasonable, or resist feeling different feelings or changing mindsets because "it isn't easy" or because this or that 'is hard'. Of course growth is difficult stretching beyond our comfort zone us uncomfortable. So what suck it up and get on with living. Stop squandering your good health and youth on fear. Some people could drown in a foot of water and resent you telling them "stand up". Off to church now. Vespers last night was meaningful.