Thursday, December 31, 2009

What was I thinking "Did I actually write that"?

"Did I actually write that"? flashed through me as I reviewed last night's blog entry for typos.  I went to vespers last night and it was just Father and I. I fumbled through the psalter readings and hymns which was a real wake up call for me to realize that I have grown lazy from the congregation and although I participate fully I am safe within the herd. Getting out and committing planting my step assuredly is what I will have to work on this year. Vespers are always more challenging for me as they were not part of my family's custom growing up and then it would have been all in Greek. Likewise the Divine Liturgy was also in Greek and now I have the Greek and two English translations with the varying musical arrangements under my belt. Still last night I could not avoid the lack with respect to the most basic service. I was more concerned with the word hell instead of hades but lost sight of the reality that I was inept at leading I was only a good follower who always remained a bit to the outside peering in listening attentively for errors or difference. I don't think it was being judgemental and I don't think this is  denial but it is being sensitive to the casually made alterations to hymnography, iconography and ecclesiastical traditions.
Back on point what caught my attention this morning was  my public announcement to all three of my readers that I was intent on running the Walt Disney World Marathon in 9 days. This is something that I have not prepared myself for in the  least. In fact it became clear in November that my training was not ratcheted up enough to run the marathon and in fact it had dropped off considerably.I was running in a month what most average runners would run in a week or two at the most. Yet it became clear that I can cover the distance and I can complete the task but I would not beat any PR's or any former time. I would be in it for the long haul and would have to check any semblance of an ego at the starting gate. I would be at the end of the pack. Let me say here I was never at the front of the pack and I am not a natural athlete by any means. This is a stark reality not exercise in humility. But my statistics in each race where encouraging and missing Boston by 15min this time last year was not bad considering I never trained for it.
This year I will only be thinking about my commitments for this coming year my need to reshape my communication skills and become a more affectionate person. I will need to sort through my responsibilities at home and address how I can better serve my family help them feel more appreciated and loved. After all I am trying to keep up with them and their standards and examples of Christian ethics and living.

No comments: