Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Running Under Tornado Threat to Find Mystical Rain

I gave serious thought to quitting do I dare say ending my relationship with running. I have thought about the payoff in practical terms and aside from a lowered heart rate and slimmer body frame I had lost the inclination to press on. I was trantruming about one matter or another. After a small bout with melancholy I did what I have come to know: I read, went to church and wrote a pastor. I read and attended church when it didn't seem at all related to my delema or experience; as if church can be delegated to Sunday mornings and resigned to stay there. Then I asked some pointed questions about running and practice and vocation. I was expressly told to keep running and pray.
I was told to stay the course to remain steadfast. I ran today for the first time in a long, long, long time. There were moments during the first few miles I wanted to walk a runner's defeat (even a slow runners defeat). Then I stepped out of myself and ran thinking about the Phanar His All-Holiness, love, acceptance and honesty. There were tornadoes warnings and the weather though windy, was warm. At the mile three marker the rain came and I was almost elated, the waste of torments washing away, draining from my pores. I took noticed and kept moving reflecting on the words of an email. Hearing the voices of my history.
When I got home the lightening lit up the ominous sky. I prepared myself for vespers (which I missed) but made bible study which got hijacked talking about the Manhattan Declaration. I took the opposition's position to the Declaration while I was blasted by some devoted people who believe that a hard line must be taken against homosexuals and "deviants". They equate abortion with gay relations. They quickly threw the Ecumenical Patriarch under the bus an attitude or opinion I do not and will not take.
As for the Man. Dec., I honestly don't know what the correct opinion as I lack the true understanding but I have been making efforts to see my faith from a difference viewpoint. If my Patriarch condones the opinions and the Declaration then I will also affirm it. This much I know: I was not the angry party in the discussion and I appreciate the spirit of inclusion. I don't much care for the smell of condemnation. I used to hold those opinions and maintain those postures. I may be farther from the truth more now then ever but I must continue to evaluate and reassess as I continue as a journeyman in my life.
P.S How is is that Met. Jonah declared anything with heretics as if he represents the orthodox church? They didn't affirm commonly held beliefs they declared 'these truths as self evident'

1 comment:

Leftmost said...

Well, JN1304 doesn't like the Man. Dec. No surprise there of course. I think I'd have to take a stand against it too, the focus of the piece seems to be about strictly codifying morality to the exclusion of any pastoral guidance, reducing human crises to IF and THEN statements, breaking them up with END IF but leaving out and ELSE DO statements. Not to mention that not every person's situation is going to be in that library of terms that are given to the computer (er I mean...well you know) at the beginning of the program for reference.