Sunday, December 27, 2009

Running the Course Hit the Mark

Considering the extent to which running left me feeling empty and the process without purpose or appreciation has to be addressed briefly. I ran again today with all the pleasure I used to find in it. I ran with Xena, my dog, who by now, regular readers know. She was a pleasure and a gift. Our run was the perfect example of master/servant and metaphor for the relationship of christians to Christ. "My sheep hear my voice and know me.I am their's and they are mine". Xena the trusted friend, companion and assistant while I served as her guide and guardian. It was the kind of experience that  childhood dreams where made of. It was the missing link in my own childhood; the relationship what would have filled the void of loneliness and despair. A salve to heal many wounds and to correct a million wrongs. It was one of the few mandates in my adult life. Orthodoxy has taken on a renewed excitement and revival; understanding it anew through the guidance of Jn 1034, my regular church attendance and thoughtful discourse with my spouse. It has involved releasing 'the shoulds'  from my life as to not impose them on others seeking their course and path to orthodoxy. It's about understanding sin as truly being off the mark and not merely and academically about being 'bad'. It is corporate but very personal. My greatest obstacle at this point are my moments of intolerance, anger and irritation with my children and the constricting economy. As for my running with its renewed vitality that can be attributed to understanding its purpose it is about more then physical heath or stress relief; it is really about the journey to the transcendent God the God who can't be confined and who should be pursued. The malaise that invaded and infected my run was the gages and measures I was using to operationalize success. Success is not found in times or mile markers or running regimes this can't be overstated. Rather the foundation and essential property of benefit is the space and time provided to contemplate the eternal the Trinity and my relationship to my Lord. It is the time I spend free from the cares of this life and this world which choke my relationships with anxiety and undo anger. It gives me the reprieve from my own neurosis. Running speeds me up; to slow my mind and synch my body long enough to appreciate my immortal soul and its relationship to God. Running itself is a paradox and balancing act of sorts I use the body to ignore it. I move more to find stillness. When assessing success in these terms the lessons of obedience to a rule of prayer and contemplation is beneficial in the totality of my person hood. It is the reward for the effort it is what make the run essential. I was told that I should keep running to keep from running like a hamster on a wheel on the inside but in reality without running I became a regimented procrastinator without a due course.The procrastination created indifference and laziness a kind of melancholy and disappointment. Those were the thoughts and belief which dominated my run today which left me with a feeling of appreciation for such insights and health and the wonderment that such lessons could come from play and the exchange between me and my dog each of us creatures of the Creator who watches and loves without judgment or condemnation of the sinner.

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