Thursday, January 28, 2010

Co dependence (a font of selfishness) evidence of resentment

The heresy of false piety a trap for all. Stop the vicious cycle of concete and self doubt. Stop people pleasing and trying so much. This requires a change in attitude, behavior and even venue (where and with whom you roam). Stop relying on the testimony of non-believers, doubters and of those who fail to understand and rely on personal convictions and your own testimony of who you are and how you will be. By holding on to anger or resentments you delude yourself into thinking that your anger is justified and that you are approaching the situation from a power position when in fact you are weakened and more vulnerable and most importantly not justified.
Codependence or people-pleasing is clearly demonstrates fear, insecurity and dependence. Looking to others to find value by finding some excuse to be with them is time consuming self serving and fails to ultimately improve self worth or self concept. Despite the efforts and the good works they remain fruitless because self worth and value has been set by performance based approval or an external rating system to determine value. These accolades and praise or secondary gains are without value.
When a co-dependent person stops the cycle of being half there is a retraining of those around them which takes place. The now independent and whole person re-teaches others how to treat them. There are two common reactions to this change the first is that some people will protest and ultimately leave the friendship. This is a kind of pruning and discarding of what is fruitless. There will also be those who are eager to embrace the new dynamic of the relationship now too being afforded the privilege of giving as well as receiving. The second change is an internal one self concept will dramatically improve as your confidence in your innate value is affirmed. It is the result of accepting and receiving from others and not feeling the need to contrive or control  the circumstance too much.
When you embrace the good and the abilities in others instead of being in crisis mode and processing difficulty a whole new way of being unfolds like a flower. It is the harvest. Remember that when you are dependent on helping others you oblige them to also remain impotent and half.
As with any new situation or task when stepping out of our comfort zone it raises all sorts of psycho-social resistance to the demand set before us. There is avoidance, regret and an increase in irritability and anxiety. Self-doubt or lack of trust in personal ability and fortitude will dissipate when as the risk increases so too does the rate of small successes. This pairing of adventure with acheivement is powerful and a practical approach to what ails us all. It is the short term objectives which reenforce achievement thereby confirming competence and increase self-confidence. We must be practiced and look for forums to practice what challenges us and stretches us beyond our comfort zone. By moving through the insecurity and unsure footing and crowing our efforts with success and achievement or progress the circle of comfort is increase and our skill set expanded.

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